Thursday, August 24, 2006

straight from the sphincter: fly on the wall's reports of president bush's love for fart humor corroborated by inside sources



yep, friends. the most flatulent president in history. obsessed with fart humor. you thought rory was kiddin'? frick no. rory wasn't kiddin'. the puerile obsession is part of dub's fiction based reality. as pointed out by U.S. News and World Report, w even likes to let 'em rip in an effort to amuse new hires. oh razor-tongued tina of fuzzy and blue, rory bows his head in thanks for your post vindicating his and fly on the wall's work. some said it was silly of rory to post about bush's out-of-control sphincter songs. but rory had a journalistic obligation to bring the story to the people, despite the skepticism, the turning away, the revulsion. truly though, it was fly on the wall who broke the story of dub's wind. oh fly, clairvoyant insect from a distant planet who selected rory as his earthly messenger to humankind! oh remarkable fly, we celebrate tonight, you and I! like an eruption from the 60-year-old cheeks of dub, the foul truth will out!


Oh, dub indeed farts indiscriminately. He said to this child in church: "Son, you'll always remember the day you stood before this pew. May god love you." Then, a sound similar to the scream of a ferret being brutally wrung like a wet towel tore through the seat-seam of his tailored trousers leaving a stain that few would see:



dub sometimes envelopes those less fortunate than he in the warmth of his bottom-fed humor. he craves the attention, the laughter, the acceptance he feels when another being is amused by the windsong escaping his puckered flesh-trumpet.



for those who never visited and those who might wish to revisit now that even the most skeptical must accept the fair, balanced, accurate coverage of dub's babbling bowel, the gibbering madman's methane-breathing under-mouth, rory offers you easy access to the complete compendium of rory 'n' fly's coverage of the pennsylvania avenue pooter, the crawford crepitator, THE MOST FLATULENT PRESIDENT IN HISTORY:

roryshock: President Bush Reveals Puerile Obsession With Fart Humor Under Stress in India. Indian Muslims Outraged. "This is worse than the cartoons," some say.

roryshock: The Most Flatulent President In History Photo Essay II: More Scenes of Bush's Puerile Humor From the First Stench-Trench

roryshock: The Most Flatulent President In History Photo Essay III -- Nero Fiddled, Bush Farted

roryshock: Most Flatulent President In History -- IV

roryshock: the most flatulent president in history "rides" again

although not entirely about the first flatulence, the following post reports bush's attempt to woo German Chancellor Merkel with nether-mouth-music:

roryshock: bush admits to lusting after german chancellor merkel after he "glimpsed her soul"

49 Comments:

Blogger Tina said...

You are oh-so welcome Rory. But when I read that tidbit at US News & World Report, you were the very 1st person I thought of, so it was only fitting you were the centerpiece of my post. And when Mr Rory Shock calls me razor-tongued, I'll take that as a compliment supreme.... and to think, since I was but a wee child, I merely thought I was just a smart ass....

1:59 AM  
Blogger Peacechick Mary said...

Same here. I thought Rory! Brilliant undercover reporting and the nether mouth is the best turn of phrase I've read so far.

4:24 AM  
Blogger DivaJood said...

Sigh. The Shrub strikes fear into the hearts of men and women for more than just his war on terror. Thank god for wide open spaces, I'm just mentioning.

5:56 AM  
Blogger Rory Shock said...

yep tina ... oh and I corrected the spelling of tongue in the meantime, I think ... thanks peacechick, it's good to get to do true journalism sometimes ... diva indeedy ... only a reckless fool would enter a confined space recently occupied by dub sans breathing apparatus

6:49 AM  
Blogger thepoetryman said...

You have a good ear (and eye), my friend. And no. Not for hearing (or noting) GF Bush letting one sneak by, but an ear for words and an eye for pictures. I enjoyed this immensely although the subject matter stunk!

9:37 AM  
Blogger JBlue said...

NEVER pull this man's finger. You are doing the country a great service, Rory.

11:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations to rory for recognizing the chief a-hole's a-bombs from back when they were confined to below-ground testing! Hope fly-on-the-wall gets tremendous raise & extra percs, whatever those might be, maybe hazard pay for harsh conditions no mere human could endure for your ongoing lengthy expose. and, I think "Class will out" should be redefined for W's lineage ... unless this is normal dynastic loutish behaviour, hmmm. D.K.

3:16 PM  
Blogger DivaJood said...

In light of the Bush Farting Doll that Earl Bokenfield linked to at Tina's blog, I need to know: do you think Bush lights his farts during Cabinet meetings?

4:26 PM  
Blogger gugon said...

All hail roryshock!

You heard it here first folks! And we all thought he was making this up! My brain is spinning, visions of methane bubbles dancing in my head.

Fiction based reality, reality based fiction - the line has become hopelessly and forever blurred. This news proves once and for all that the team of roryshock and fly on the wall has true vision - they see a deeper truth hidden from the rest of the world.

PS. The above post is frickin hilarious as usual - but a little scary also, with the added weight of sober truth.

4:36 PM  
Blogger Rory Shock said...

diva: I think they forbid him from carrying matches or lighters due to the probability of ... well in the words of Johnny Cash "A BURNIN' RING OF FIRE" ... I don't think he could pull off lighting one without burning himself ... but then minor burns during pranks and pratfalls don't really seem to bug him (rory is referencing his callous comments about branding his frat logo on the asses of pledges back at delta house when he was at yale) ... gugon: thanks man ... thanks o master of the zombie tale instiller of the chiller!!! dk ... a little methane doesn't seem to phase fly ... she is renegotiating her contract though ... jublue ... dub's right index finger is indeed about an inch longer than the left, due to excessive pulling ... (a little known fact) ... pm thanks man ... you are kind and rory is pleased you were amused ...

4:49 PM  
Blogger Rory Shock said...

peacechick thank -u mucho ... sad isn't it ... dub speaks with equal intelligence from his facial gob and his nether mouth!!!

4:52 PM  
Blogger mikevotes said...

One of my great hopes in life is that I might live the forty years until all the internal Bush stuff is fully declassified.

I have a feeling it will make LBJ complaining about the crotch in his pants look like nothing.

Mike

7:52 PM  
Blogger Rory Shock said...

mike: howdy. definitely somethin' to look forward to. Not sure I'll make it that long, but if I do and you do, let's have a beer, a tea, a coffee, an IV drip, or whatever suits our taste at the time and laugh about the shit. in the meantime, I've just gotta rely on fly.

8:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that's funny ... I've been thinking lately one of my life goals is to outlive GWB. It'll be tough cuz the man is in good shape (physically). They say his resting pulse is in the 50's, like a fine athelete. Plus all the Class A med care he gets, not like us peons relying on the family GP. Still, it's a personal goal & not unlike mike or rory living to see his nefarious deeds declassified. mainly, I want to piss on his grave. D.K.

9:14 PM  
Blogger Rory Shock said...

oh a worthy goal dk ... may you live to piss on his grave ...

9:27 PM  
Blogger JBlue said...

I had a feeling! Something about the whole thing reminded me of dear old dad (who is a Shrubbite to the bitter end, it appears. Coincidence?).

6:39 AM  
Blogger Tina said...

You best be careful when it comes to pissing on those Repukes' graves. Before you know it, you'll be labelled as a Satanist and end up being discussed on that joke of a site World Net Daily. Link:
http://wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=45663

.... although if I had taken the time to visit crazy Ronnie's grave, I might have been forced to toss a shitload of rotten vegetables and bust up a few bottles of Heinz so that moron would finally see the difference between a VEGETABLE and KETCHUP.

2:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey tina, if you hold up the privacy curtain, i'll have no prob at the gravesite. I bet we'll see a lot of other people there doing the same thing. Satanist? if I'd been born a couple hundred yrs ago, I would've been burnt at the stake anyway, so WTH. hmmm, if you believe in reincarnation, maybe i was! D.K.

8:35 PM  
Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

Doesn't Bush look at home with his arm around that fellow with down syndrome. Finally someone understands him

1:54 AM  
Blogger Tina said...

DK: I do believe in reincarnation... in addition to many other things that the Catholic Church would have a stroke over... but feh... who asked 'em, right? And I'm so there... privacy curtain in hand and I'm ready to rumble.

Graeme: HA! That is too funny.

7:40 PM  
Blogger sumo said...

I bet he loves cabbage.

1:39 AM  
Anonymous Libby said...

Brilliant Rory. You are the king of flatulence blogging.

9:10 PM  
Blogger Left of Center said...

I would hate to be the person who has to "SHOUT OUT" Bushs Presidential skid marks.

5:25 AM  
Blogger Kathy said...

Do you think the "King of Farts" was the legacy Bush envisioned for himself from the beginning? Great post!!!

6:58 AM  
Blogger enigma4ever said...

irhwfanother eloquent creative post aobut our cough...gag....gag...."Leader"...so sad...so horrific...
now where did I put the oxygen ?

9:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

rory, thought you'd like to know when I look at your blog, the following "Ads by Google" come up:
Insect
Fart Machine
Cicada
Burp
Flies

So this is what they reduce you to ... your entire work represented by 5 ads. Although I AM intrigued by the Fart Machine, I won't give them them the hit count by clicking on it. D.K.

9:36 AM  
Blogger JBlue said...

When are you gonna put another smell on us?

4:27 PM  
Blogger gugon said...

Hey rory - did you get abducted by the clowns again? You tell those bastards to leave you alone.


Seriously, though - I hope everything's okay with you. I hope you're just having a busy month tagging snakes - or whatever it is that you do!

6:31 PM  
Blogger enigma4ever said...

Okay Rory...I am worried about you...and miss you terribly...I guess I will have to start coming here every day with friends and search you out...I will be back tomorrow with my Hound Dogs Snoop&Sniff...we are going to look high and low for you.....

8:18 PM  
Blogger enigma4ever said...

Here it is the First official Day of Fall, I have brought my Hound dogs Snoop& Sniff and they are going to find Rory.....they are looking high and low for him...

12:15 PM  
Blogger Helen Wheels said...

nether mouth! flesh trumpet!

OMG I cant' stop laughing! Uh oh, does that mean I like fart humor too? NOOOOO!!!

Actually, poop humor's more my thing.

4:47 PM  
Blogger enigma4ever said...

Okay...October 5th..really miss you, your Knife Edge Humor....your wisdom..your creativity....please come back soon, we can't Storm the Castle without you....hope you are okay....worried.

2:49 PM  
Blogger MichaelBains said...

Souls are such a bother that way.

the windsong escaping his puckered flesh-trumpet.

Pure Poetry! You should be the Chimperor's Poet Laureate. No question about it.

6:22 AM  
Blogger Lola Heatherton said...

I think dear Mr. Shock has been kidnapped and sent to Guantanamo. We could all sing "Guantanamero" in several part harmony until he returns.

3:29 PM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

I miss you. I really do. Are you ok? Just let us know that, okay?

12:45 PM  
Blogger thepoetryman said...

Flatulence becomes Bush! More at 11:00... Now here's John Point with Sports! John?

Thank you, Rory. St. Louis wins the World Series! Rory?

Thank you, John! Now here's the weather! George?

Thank you, Rory! Tomorrow the pollin' numbers'll slightly fall due to the recent spate o' those damned citizens figurin out I'm an incompetent old fart! Rory?

Couldn't agree more, George.

Goodnight!

9:22 PM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Rory, just let us know if you're okay and that a snake didn't bite you or something.

3:07 PM  
Blogger JBlue said...

Man, I miss this guy.

10:29 AM  
Blogger mariamaria said...

OMG..too funny!!!

2:58 PM  
Anonymous D.K. Raed said...

Rory, I miss yu. Don't let Bush's nether mouth be the last thing heard on your blog. besides it's now december & the snakes have got be hibernating. ~~ D.K.

3:21 PM  
Blogger enigma4ever said...

I know you are not coming back...but there are many of us that still miss you...and your wisdom, your humor, your insight, your gentle appreciation of nature....miss you much...hope you are okay...its December 16th...and Christmas is almost here...and I just wish I knew you were okay...

11:25 PM  
Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

happy holiday dude

11:46 PM  
Blogger Libby Spencer said...

Merry Christmas Rory

1:41 PM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

I have thought about you a lot lately and just wanted to stop by and say hello and hope you are doing well.

8:58 AM  
Blogger 週休 said...

很好啊..................................................

5:24 PM  
Blogger 傷口很殺 said...

When everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane. ....................................................

4:15 AM  
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6:41 PM  
Blogger Tor Hershman said...

Just surfed in on a "Pope Sucks" search with this.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfNJWOZPbSw

7:14 PM  
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2:15 AM  

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